I lied with the title. This is actually about social media etiquette in general. Sadly, the people that so desperately need this lesson in etiquette are far too lazy and/or stupid to even read. So to the intelligent people out there that read my blog, this is for your amusement. Since you’re smart, you know how to apply these rules to different social media sites. Let’s start with some basic rules.
1. Direct Messaging
If someone you admire, want to fuck, or otherwise like follows you back, don’t bombard them with DM’s. This goes for celebrities, camgirls, athletes, whatever. Don’t do it. So many people do it to them that they are immediately going to regret following you. I unfollow asshats that do this to me. This also applies to Facebook messages. Maybe I’m alone here, but I fucking hate Facebook messages.
2. Don’t Out People That Follow You
If a celebrity or professional athlete follows you on Twitter, don’t be all like “ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG KATY PERRY FOLLOWED ME!!!!!” on your Twitter feed. Chances are they’re following you because you (shockingly) posted something mildly amusing, because they follow everyone, or someone else is in charge of their social media. It doesn’t make you the coolest person in the world, so shut up. No one cares.
3. Don’t Tweet Stupid Shit At People
Tweeting something like “hi” or “wuts up bb” at me (and presumably others) will not get my attention. It’s just inspiration to ignore you. Say something funny or witty. Or say something that relates to the other person’s interests. That’s how you stand out.
4. Don’t Be A Troll
Don’t start Twitter fights. You look insecure, ignorant, and stupid. Not to mention it makes you look like a total douchebag. Sometimes it is fun to fuck with the trolls, but don’t get too caught up in it. Don’t like someone’s tweets, looks, personality, political views, etc? Don’t fucking follow them. Being a troll also falls under the category of “cyber bullying”.
5. Dick Pics
Some gay males excepted, no one wants to see your wang. It’s not impressive. Unless you’re sucking yourself off. Celebrities, take note. Don’t forget the Anthony Weiner scandal, where he “accidentally” DM’d pics of his boner to my acquaintance and fellow stripper, Ginger Lee. At least the dude is appropriately named, I guess.
I’d say this rule applies to chicks DMing naked pictures to dudes, but I think for the most part, guys don’t care as much. Call me sexist if you must.
6. Don’t Stalk People
Even if they make it easy by checking in on apps like FourSquare or Yelp. These behaviors count as stalking: hanging out at places frequented by the person in hopes of catching a glimpse of them, constantly checking on their whereabouts, leaving notes on their car, finding out there address and sending gifts, flowers, mail, etc., and other more seriously threatening behaviors that you guys should already be aware of. Also, don’t ask camgirls to “meet up”, and certainly don’t assume that they will for a certain price.
7. Don’t Discredit People’s Photos.
If a camgirl, photographer, or anyone else has a watermark in their photos, don’t crop it out before reposting the photo. This also applies to Tumblr.. don’t reblog a photo and delete the click-through link. Not cool.
8. Don’t Even Snap Dick Pics
Seriously. Don’t send me a Snapchat of your dick.
9. #TeamFollowback Is Bullshit. So is #FF.
Don’t fucking waste my time with this bullshit. Don’t ask for followbacks. If a person wants to follow you, they’ll follow you. Don’t beg, because it’s depressing for everyone to look at. For the Twitter-challenged reading this, hashtags are used to categorize tweets. #FF means “Follow Friday”, when everyone blows up your timeline with a list of people you should follow. It’s obnoxious. Don’t do it.
10. Pic Requests
If I post a video, gif, or photo, be fucking thankful you get to look at it. Don’t ask me for more free shit, especially if it’s specific to whatever fetish you have. Wanna see me sit on a cake? Pay me. Wanna see me cum? Buy a show. Just don’t ask for freebies.