In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s been a lot of cricket talk on my social media stuff. Approximately 65,028 people have asked some variation of “what’s up with the crickets”… So here’s your fucking answer. If it bores you, just don’t read it. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. But don’t even think about commenting with a question until you read the FAQ at the bottom. Don’t be that guy.
Once upon a time, I met a dude on OKCupid. We hung out and got some coffee and talked about what we were doing with our lives. My main job was dancing and camming. He was a very active member of the local kink community and we had several (exceptionally amazing) Facebook friends in common. We totally hit it off and we’ve been great friends ever since. If you were expecting a great love story or a Christian Grey-esque storyline, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I have, however, bathed him when he threw his back out. Because I am a great friend, and sometimes, a penis is just a penis.
When I was a kid (six, actually) my mom sat me, my sister, and my cousins down and forced us all to watch The Nightmare on Elm Street series. I’m sure a child molester slash murderer wasn’t exactly appealing to me as a child, but I didn’t find it scary. Instead, I had panic attacks about seemingly petty bullshit (at the time, that’s what I was told) like global warming and running out of water. That being said, I’ve always been pretty anti-waste and yay environment and all that happy bullshit.
Back to that boy I met… Well, he ran away and started a farm. Remember how I said I’m a great friend? Well I believe in what they’re doing so much that I started eating crickets. Just for frame of reference, I wouldn’t even eat spaghetti as a kid. I didn’t even try Taco Bell or Subway until I was a junior in high school. (Shoutout to my Hardees crew from Boo!)
So anyways, my friends raise crickets for human consumption. It’s a very new start-up. In a nutshell, crickets are a much more efficient (environmentally and nutritionally) than most livestock. As our droughts in the US affect grazing and farmlands, we are going to be scraping to find sources of protein to feed our growing population. Yeah, I get that it sounds gross, but we aren’t talking about eating a live cricket, or even a whole cricket. Most people grind them up into a flour or powder. You can make cookies or throw a scoop into a smoothie for a protein boost.
You can’t taste them at all, and the powder smells like ground nuts.
They taste like deep fried popcorn in the best possible way.
They eat organic chicken feed. Fun fact: Crickets will take on the flavor of whatever you feed them.
My friends’ farm is Big Cricket Farms.